Rat Attack

This is the story of one woman who is absolutely useless in times of danger.

Spoiler: I am that woman.

For the past few weeks we have been dealing with a sneaky rat that has been breaking into our common room and making away with the tums in our cabinet. It's been getting in through a hole in the window screen and setting up camp in said closet. Multiple times we have saw this beast scurry back through its portal causing an unspoken fear of this metal cupboard. We had the screen fixed only to have the rat chew a new hole through it. We put up tape and cardboard... like that would do anything. Tonight, things have escalated to a whole new level... shit got real.

Sheet where rat climbed under

Blockage of the rat's hole

Broken window

Every night before I go to bed, I lock my door so the rat won't find its way into the food stash that we keep in one of the closets located in my room. I was settling down for bed and heard something that sounded as if papers were shuffling around. I saw some papers on the foot of the adjacent bed, and threw my ipod on top of them to keep them still. Five minutes later this noise persists so I turn on the flashlight setting to my phone to assess the situation. Nothing. Again this happens and again I see nothing. Then, I decide that I will keep the flashlight on and cover it with my hand until I hear the noise. As soon as I hear it next I whip my phone towards the food closet and see a huge brown rat's butt climbing over Kristen's peanut butter. Panic sets in. The lights are off and it is around midnight. I am not leaving my bed; yeah I'm a complete wuss. I call Laura by cell phone and she is just as afraid as I am. Kristen, the only sensible one runs down and gets the security guard... she is looking for a kill. Seriously, the past few weeks she has talked nothing of poising this creature and she was not letting this opportunity go to waste. The security guard, Jenny (a girl from the hall), Kristen, and Laura are all standing outside of the room demanding that I open the door. I hold my breath and take three giant hops to the door. I unlock it as quickly as I can and sprint back into the security of my blankets. Of course I was in my underwear and grabbing pants was unthinkable considering the rat was somewhere in that area. I’m telling you this so you can see how it was reasonable for me to sprint back to my covers; I didn't want my favorite security guard to think any less of me (too late now). Jenny & the guard come in armed with giant sticks and close the door behind them. They clearly are not phased by the rat situation and start poking around in both closets with the sticks. After five minutes of poking and prodding a large furry body comes squirming from the refuge of my kurtas. At this point I start losing it and screaming at the top of my lungs. The security guard tries to hit the rat with the stick and chases it frantically around the room. He is able to corner it and I close my eyes afraid of what may happen next. He misses the sly thing and it scampers under a sheet that is located on a desk. You can only see the silhouette of the rat’s body under the sheet as it squirms about. The guard has a crazed killing look in his eyes as he smashes his stick upon the desk. He misses and the thing heads straight under my bed. Without even thinking, I jump up on top of my bed screaming bloody murder. I looked like a girl straight out of a horror movie. Jenny was telling me to breathe and the guard ignored the fact that I was half naked because he was completely engulfed in the rat chase. 

Laura & Jenny putting newspaper over the window

Somewhere between my jumping and screaming the rat jumps into my window and the guard exchanges his stick for a legit spear. The rat is caught between the glass of my window and the bars and we all know what is about to happen. I covered my ears and was screaming at the top of my lungs. I looked up to see the guard sprint out of the room and Jenny's face is in shock. I get up and realize that the glass has been shattered and can hear the guard banging his stick outside. A bit later the guard came back to tell us the rat had managed to survive a few blows and a fall from the second floor.  I am not sure what is more ridiculous, the fact that I was screaming so loud, the fact that I was in my underwear, or the fact that I was legitimately worried that if the guard killed the rat while it was in the window that it would spill blood on my Buddha. Needless to say, this war with the rat is not over. Kristen & Laura's account is hilarious because they could only hear stick whacking, screaming, and glass shattering. Laura summed it up best by the following quote: "Between fight or flight Becca chose fright". I'm not sure if I will be able to sleep tonight, or ever for that matter. Damn you rat, this isn't over.

UPDATE: The rat is dead! Our favorite security guard had found the sucker huddled in the corner with some injuries. He disposed of it. I’m a bit sad to hear of the rat’s death but glad to hear that will be the end of our problem.

UPDATE: I went to grab a tank top today and found that the effing rat pooped in my clothes and left traces of food. God dammit rat, your dead but still find a way to piss me off!